Family and Relationship

Text Messages from a White Guy (and What to Reply)

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Staring at your phone and not sure what to think or much less reply? Our dating expert takes six real life text messages his lady friends have recently received, deciphers them, and then offers you a great response.

TEXT: “Can’t come over tonight. I have an early meeting.”

Straight off the bat I’m going to assume that you know this guy. If you are inviting strange men over to your house then we may have bigger issues to discuss than text interpretation. However, I’m sensing that you’ve been seeing this guy a while, that you’ve had sleepovers, and that you feel relatively comfortable with one another. Even though he’s comfortable with you, comfortable enough to cancel, he is being aloof. If he had added in an “I’m so sorry to do this to you” or “I’ll make it up to you, promise” that would be one thing; that would indicate he’s still hot and heavy for you.

In this case he’s beginning to take you for granted. The good news is that he thinks you understanding enough to forgive him. The bad news is that he just expects you to forgive him because he’s busy and other things take priority over your time together. It’s at this point in dating someone that boundaries begin to get tested. He is seeing if he can get away with canceling on you, setting the precedent that if a friend is in from out of town or he runs into a buddy he can just bail on you and you guys will be cool. You shouldn’t confront him by text but exert your power in a different way; by being more aloof and spacious.

REPLY: “Cool. I was thinking of making other plans.” This is showing that you’re not waiting around for him. He then begins to wonder who you are making plans with, if it’s another guy, whether he’s missing out, etc. When you do see one another, it’s worth probing this issue in person. A simple in-person “I would have been happy for a low key night; it’s not really cool with me to break plans last minute” might go a long way.

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