Family and Relationship
What Black Men Think About Sisters Dating Outside The Race
I remember when when I was a teenager, I asked my older cousin why he didn’t want his sister dating an Asian guy from our school.
His reply at the time was a basis for how life looked to some blacks in the early 90’s, coupled by his fear of folks signing up for a voluntary genocide brought on by ‘negros’ mixing with other races and cultures. “With a black woman being the mother of our entire culture, and the vessel that carries the seed which delivers to us another Ebony Prince or Princess, more ‘thinning done within the crop,’ is like watching the last of our race die out and be replaced by the introduction of a gumbo-esque flock of unknowns.”
Needless to say, my older cousin grew up and married a white chick from the suburbs, but hearing his remarks about black women doing something he considered taboo was a typical double standard often promoted from those particular black men who also agree with that ridiculous thought process, but find it okay if they step outside the imaginary jurisdiction.
When a brother makes an interracial play, it rarely raises a side eye or provokes more than just a few words of conversation. But if a black woman does it…finding herself a Prince Charming outside of the ebony complexion, that union presents a reason to be upset and for folks to express the why’s and the why not’s about her dating preferences.
Finding love under the rocks within someone else’s garden truly isn’t a big deal or a reason to salute individuality. Why? Because whether you’re arm and arm with a black, white or Asian man, the most important thing to remember is that he better be a good man, or there’s no reason why any of us should celebrate that union in the first place.
Although it’s become a norm, spotting a black woman with anyone either than a black mate, is still a rarer find than other blended relationships.
Sure we’re living in an era of acceptance, but that doesn’t mean that when a sister adds a little crème to her mocha latte, it doesn’t feel like a thorn in black pride to a few folks who refuse to be cool with those individual choices.
But who does it bother more, black women or black men?
For a lot of women, seeing a black woman arm and arm with an “outsider” usually promotes a “You Go Sister!” moment or the occasional utter of statements such as “I gotta get me one of them,” or “If she can look elsewhere, than so can I.”
On the other hand, when it comes to brothers, they’re still the most vocal about sharing their distaste in the matter, even though statistically they are much more fraternizing with everyone but a brown skin Nubian princess, than we do.
Rather than wrestle with my personal theories on how brothers feel about sisters mixing and mingling outside the race, I decided to personally ask a few brothers what their thoughts were on the topic.
Here’s what they had to say…
When you see a sister with a man from another race, what’s the first thought that comes to your mind?
“Why, does she not date my race or culture anymore? Did she ever? But then if she’s not interesting…who cares.” – B. Matias
“He doesn’t deserve that beautiful black woman. And I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before she comes running back to the arms of one of us good black men.” – E. Jones
“Good for dude… that’s if it’s another person of color; people of color dating isn’t an issue for me. But if it’s a sista dating a white guy, then my first thought is, all the grief sista’s have been giving brothas for dating white women and now she’s doing the same thing!” – A. Scott
“Hey, at least she ain’t stupid, black men don’t pay for anything. I guess she decided to get paid.” – D. Ross
Do you think sisters are selling out when they date outside their race? If so, why does it bother you?
“I don’t think they’re selling out at all. I feel that they are buying in actually. We live in a multi-cultural world and this country truly shows that. People tend to date in their surroundings. If you’re surrounded by a lot of different cultures, it’s only natural to start dating within those surroundings. It doesn’t bother me, I embrace it!” – A. Scott
“I’m sure everyone you ask this question is going to give a p.c. answer, but I intend to keep it real. Hell yes, she’s selling out the race. It’s bad enough we’re mutts because of slavery, but every time a black woman mixes with someone other than one of us, she’s eliminating our heritage. If a brother does it, it’s not a big deal. And no, that’s not a double standard. Black women bring life, and so because of that, anything that comes from them is a reflection of the seed they take in. She can only have white children, Asian children, Hispanic children and so forth—they’re not mixed children unless they come from a black man and white woman. I believe the race of the child is determined by the man.” – E. Jones
“No, I don’t. If they are dating outside their race, it’s because they truly love and care for that person. But if they say they do it because they are tired of black men, then yes. All men have issues.” – E. McBride
A lot of brothers date women of other colors. Why do you think sisters get hit so hard with the scrutiny when they do it?
“It’s the oldest double standard, but then if you’re doing it too, you have no right to comment on someone else.” – B. Matias
“Sistas get hit hard because for years they have been the biggest counter or have had the most discourse around the interracial dating situation. It’s like someone saying they dislike a food they have never tried, then after years of saying they don’t like it, they try it and find out it’s pretty good.” – A. Scott
“I think most sisters get the scrutiny because they usually are dating successful white men. There’s never really been any real scrutiny with black women dating Asians or Latinos.” – E. McBride
“It goes back to the horrific treatment that black women had to endure during the times of slavery. Also, I believe it is an ego thing. Women in general are objectified and treated as possessions. Therefore, when “any” woman, no matter her race, goes outside the race, she is scrutinized more heavily than a man.” – B. King
“Because life ain’t fair for women, it never has been and that’s messed up!” – D. Ross
Do you think that a black woman who already has kids by a black man should be dating outside her race and letting someone other than a brother raise her children?
“I believe any man can raise a child as long as they respect their culture and take care of their mother.” – B. Matias
“There’s no problem with a person of another race raising kids of another ethnicity. As long as both adults agree and are up to the task of raising that child, nothing else really matters. Kids don’t bother with those issues, they’re basic. Good care is good care, no matter who it’s from.” – A. Scott
“No other man should raise the kids if the father is still involved in their lives, period. If the father isn’t around and that’s who she is dating, then he is a good man for raising them. Bravo to her and him.” – E. McBride
“I totally disagree with a white man raising black kids unless he’s filthy rich. If they’re struggling just like if being with a black man, then it’s pointless to put the white influence on the child.” – D. Ross
Anything else you want to share on this subject?
“No. I believe that everyone in this country is a mixture of races.” – B. King
“As a brotha that has been involved in relationships with sistas, as well as other ethnicities, people are people. You’ll have the same disagreements, may or may not share similar likes/dislikes, family situations won’t differ a whole lot, and love will be the same. People come together for whatever reason, but it’s strictly between those two people.” – A. Scott
“Remember where you came from… the Motherland. That’s where we need to get back to in order to fix all the problems. Their interracial this or that won’t even be a factor when we’re all together as one.” – E. Jones
“I think people should follow their heart when dating someone, not just color. If you see someone of another race that attracts you and you have good chemistry, pursue the relationship. You can’t make everyone happy, so you might as well make sure you are.” – E. McBride
“It’s 2011 and there’s still this stigma on interracial dating, This shows the climate of the world and how we rank as black men. It’s a shame that we’re so pitiful- going to jail and living like savages for all our days… Black men need to really rise up, even in obscurity, to do the right thing. The problem is that it’s too lucrative to be grimy, if you’re the average black man with prior experience in the system. The whole street lifestyle transcends itself into the depths of any family, love, or tragic situation. We need to learn from our history instead of repeating it, and then maybe all these black women wouldn’t like functional, non-prison infested Europeans.” – D. Ross